How do we get close without getting too close?
I always felt, even as a small child, I was very closed and disconnected from other people. I wanted people to like me. I wanted friends but I felt the reality was that people didn’t like me and so I closed myself off at an early age.
Staying closed and going within had its benefits. I felt a connection to something I didn’t have a name for when I was little. My invisible friends were horses. I felt connected to horses and dogs and still do. I became observant of what was going on around me.
As an adult, I had groups of people I hung out with, mostly other people who also loved horses. But I wanted the perfect relationship and perfect friendship, the kinds you see on TV (lol). But that never happened and in my 30’s I began a quest to find out what was wrong with me that I couldn’t seem to find or have meaningful relationships.
This was a fantastic journey where I learned about meditation, meeting my guides, and many aspects of energy work. As wonderful as that was, there were times it was horribly painful. At first, I wasn’t sure looking into myself was a good idea. I was afraid I would unleash something horrible into the world, much like Pandora’s Box. But the genuine, pure love I felt when I communicated with guides and reached the parts of myself where I glimpsed Devine Love let me know it was important to keep going.
While I nurtured my connection to the Spirit world, I kept myself closed from the human world. I practiced energy work with animals. I loved working with them and they helped me hone my skills.
As a career, I worked in office settings in large corporations. I had friends and a bit of a social life, mostly involving joining a group for a weekend or week-long trail ride. I liked having people around sometimes, but there was never anyone I was close to.
It’s been only in the past few years that I’ve used my energy work skills with people. Almost 10 years ago, in 2012, I started a holistic fair. It was never something on my list of things to do but it became a community need that I felt I could fill. I began connecting with a wonderful group of people who loved energy work as much as I did. It was great to have that commonality with such beautiful people. After a year I sold the business, something that just happened “naturally,” and rented a booth from the new owner where I used the skills I’d learned over the years helping people with whatever they were looking for in terms of energy work.
I also found out what it meant to be an empath. I learned that when I would feel way “off” – angry, sad, fearful, confused, etc for no apparent reason, I could ask myself, “is this my feeling?” After repeating the question several times, whatever “off” feeling I was having usually subsided and I felt calm and clear. Over time, the “off” feelings decreased with both frequency and intensity.
The challenge I did have, however, was taking on some of the energy of my clients. I know this is a well- known occupational hazard and there are many ways to prevent or clear it to a good degree. So the question becomes: How do we get close without getting too close?
For me, I’ve learned to connect with the person who has asked for help, but not get attached. Sometimes, when I’m working in an energy field (person or animal) I might feel excruciating emotional pain for instance. As soon as I’ve moved past that area, it’s gone, with no residual effects. This ability is an essential part of doing energy work and it isn’t always an easy thing to learn. But, like everything else that’s an important part of what you love to do, it takes practice and can be learned.